From The Heart: The Ultimate Goal

Today I stayed after at my WW meeting to learn about the new WW program. Granted I have been following the WW program for several months, but it was a chance for me to ask questions and just get a refresher from the leader.

After the meeting I ended up sticking around and chatting with the leaders about exercise. She had said that you need to make sure that the exercise you are doing now to loose the weight is what you can maintain AFTER loosing the weight. Which to some degree makes sense. But, what this got me thinking about is is she saying that our ultimate goal is just to loose this weight? Do most people just workout to loose the weight with the thought in the back of their heads that they can quit once they reach their goal weight?

For me it isn’t.  For me it is to lead a healthier lifestyle which includes exercise.  Granted, I don’t want to overdo it and push myself past boundaries and wear myself out to the point where I come to hate exercise. I have been working out for 4 months now and have certainly come a long way. But I started out slowly and just continue to slowly build up my tolerance and stamina with any new exercises.

I have to say that my ultimate goal is not just about loosing this weight, that is just a part of my goal. Overall I want to lead a healthier lifestyle, so my exercise program is HUGE part of that ultimate goal! Therefore, as I continue to grow as an athlete then I will continue to push through and into new boundaries.

What is you ultimate goal? Where do you want to be in not just a year but five or even ten years.

From The Heart: The Final Straw

From The Heart

Well – I attended my first WW meeting since starting my lifestyle change. I was pleasantly surprised to learn that I had not gained as much back as I thought I might have. I weighed in at 251.6, next week, I plan to be below 250 (again). I have to say that I enjoyed today’s discussion. Our leader gave us little straws and asked what those represented. People had all sorts of silly guesses – “The amount of food you can consume in one day through the straw” to “Are we having Margaritas?” (I was holding out on the Margaritas guess – lol).

However, someone smart enough said “It’s the Last Straw!” Ding-ding-ding!

We talked about what our last straw was that finally brought us in to join and to make this lifestyle change. I shared with the group that my last straw was when I found out that I had an auto-immune disease and I didn’t have a choice but to make a lifestyle change. As I have said time and time again, I may not be able to change my diagnoses, but I do have control over some of my health decisions. I have control over my weight, and what I chose to put into my body, to energize it and charge it.  And I have no doubt that by getting healthy and making these changes I can better manage my diagnosis. I can have the upper hand. I want to have as much control over my own health, then to allow my health to have control over me. That was and is my final straw. That was “The Straw that….”

That picture of the camel is pretty funny. I am sure that all that straw weighs more than he/she does. I am sure of it. But there it is just trodding along and going the way of his master, and yet it’s back isn’t even broken. It’s amazing how much we will allow to be piled on to us. From a negative self image, to negative thoughts, to resigning to the fact that we (me) will just be fat “This is who I am!” And we carry on like that, we ignore the amount of weight that we have put on and that we are carrying around, and we somehow manage to convince ourselves that we don’t have any other option. The journey, the destination just seems insurmountable.

I know I am still on this journey and I have a ways to go, but I also know that I don’t believe those lies anymore. And I refuse to carry those around with me. I wish it did not take me having an auto-immune disease to be my final straw, because I know the load I was carrying was perhaps bigger than even what that camel is carrying in that picture. I am thankful, though, that my final straw was not me laying on deaths door, or death itself. I am thankful that I have woken up before it was too late. And that I do have the power within me to become a better and healthier me.

What was/is your final straw? Or have you come across that final straw? What will it take for you to know that you are worth it. That you are capable of becoming a better you, that you are Victorious?

From The Heart: Back on the Ole’ Horse

From The Heart

Yep – I had been off with my weight goals the past few weeks. But today I am back on the ole’ horse. For the past three or four weeks I’ve only been exercising once a week and I need to get back at it. I miss it. I miss that time of pushing myself, and my biggest fear is having to start over, regaining my stamina. But if I have to I must 🙂

It’s just been a tough month – emotionally & physically! It just seemed as though anything that could possibly go wrong, went wrong. I just became considered about just trying to survive. I gained some weight back, but not as bad as I thought. I am back up to 250, but now I’m on my journey to 240, which I know I can do over the next month.  I’m excited to get back at it and start meeting my goals once again.

 

From The Heart: Going Through The Trenches

From The Heart

Apparently, nothing is going to stop me from sticking with this lifestyle change or from losing weight. Because the past two weeks have been INSANE! And that is putting it mildly. Everyday something new and bad was thrown in our face. First my husband with his heart attack, then the day he came home from the hospital, I started with severe, nauseating, pain in my right pelvic area that went down into my thigh. It was some of the worst pain I have ever experienced in my life, including child birth.

It would come and go and nothing seemed to really help. Friday, it was so intense I tried to go to an Urgent Care but they told me I would have to go the hospital. And I just didn’t want to go to the ER, again. Went home and eventually the pain was controlled.

Then Tuesday, I woke up with no pain and was thinking that I must have gotten through whatever was ailing me. By Sunday evening it started again, and was 10 times worst. After 4 hours of intense pain, I started to bleed. That was it, I had to go the ER.

I was in the ER from10:30pm – 5:30am. They ran blood work, urinalysis, cat scan, and did a pelvic exam. Found out a few things were going on. First I have a UTI, which they (and I) don’t believe that was what was causing the pain. They also found a fibroid in my uterus area, which we believe may have been the source of the pain. The gave me some more pain killers and anti-biotics. Sent me home and told me to set up an appt with a GYN.

I got home just before 6:00am, went to sleep for about 1.5hrs, and was woken up to a flare up from my vasculitis. And a bad flare up. I was running a fever, in pain all over, and thank the Lord had an appt already scheduled with my GP. Went in and was just not doing well. She gave me a shot of steriods to help bring the inflammation down, it took a couple of hours, but it REALLY helped. Although steroids make me sweat, the down side. But I would rather sweat then be in pain, and wanting to die.

Right now I am on 7 medications (4 of which are temporary). I feel like a pharmacy. But instead of this getting in my way and derailing my lifestyle change and my goal of getting to my ideal weight, it actually continues to motivate me. I need to get healthy, weight wise, to fight any other issues. This morning I weighed myself, just to see how I am doing. Especially since it’s been hard to journal my food intake. According to the scale I lost another pound. Again I have only worked out once this week. And hope to go tongith.

You can’t just give up, even when going through the trenches. Life is always going to have it’s valleys and mountains, and you can’t let the valleys stop you from living the life you desire. You just push through, and it will make that climb to the top of the mountain that much more beautiful and amazing. You have to believe you are worth it, even if life might be trying to tell you differently. Things will always get better, and especially if you don’t lose faith in God and your self. You’ll just be a stronger you in the end.

From The Heart: Struggles

From The Heart

Struggling? I am, not so much about continuing this journey or feeling defeated, but just that I wish my weight loss was farther along. I wish I was

losing closer to 2-3 lbs a week. I know they say to lose slowly to help with maintaining the loss, but it is just frustrating I am not farther longer in this journey.  I’m not looking to lose 10 lbs a week or even 5 lbs. But I will be happy with even 2-3. Right now I am losing  just barely a pound.

On the bright side I am losing, and for that I am TRULY thankful for! However at this rate if I continue to lose only 1 pound of less, I will barely lose 50 lbs in one year. I would like to be at my goal weight in a year.

I am hoping that by starting this HIIT program I will begin to lose more during the week. I’m working so hard and just not seeing the results I would like to on the scale.

I am also struggling with my health. I had a really good more than two months of feeling as close to normal as I have in two years.  However this past week has been quite hard. I have been having flare-ups again. Which means fever spikes and crazy muscle pain. Which wakes me up in the middle of the night and I struggle with sleep. Last night was one of those nights. I was woken up with sever thigh muscle pain and lower back pain, and just couldn’t get comfortable. I finally got up, took some advil and went back to sleep from about 6:30-8am. Was then up until 9:00 and slept again until 10:30.

I hate being like this. And I pray God will heal me (either miraculously, or through medicine). I am praying for some kind of answer at this point. However, I am NOT going to let this disease get the best of me, I am NOT going to allow it to hinder me from achieving my goals, I won’t let it rule my life, or dictate my life. That would not be living, and I refuse to NOT live any longer. I refuse to be a victim to this disease. It’s my body and my life, and tho some days may be tougher than others, the times that are not, I will push on.

All journeys include struggles, all journeys include obstacles, and we have a choice to either fall victim or prey to those struggles, or to push through and become stronger as people! And I choose to push onward, and to fight to find ways to overcome the struggles and obstacles in my way. I won’t be a victim anymore.

God tells us that we can say to any mountain to MOVE. Well, I am telling this mountain to move out of my way!

From The Heart: Inspiration To Keep Going

From The Heart

Right now my main inspiration comes from my willingness to push on and to achieve not only a weight loss goal, but my goal to a healthier and stronger me. But I believe in any situation and anything we want to accomplish there have to be things/people around us that continue to push us forward and inspire us to achieve our goals in life (no matter what goals those may be).

I have to admit that lately my inspirations come from all around me.  I have friends who have managed to change their lifestyle and lose over a 100 pounds, and friends who have struggled with weight who found something within themselves to change and be a better them. Plus – lately I have been watching (almost obessively) The Biggest Loser (TBL) on Hulu Plus on my TV.  And Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss Edition on Monday nights.

Both shows have been inspiring to know that in order to achieve my fitness and health goals I need to put the exercise time in. That if all those contestants can do it, so can I. There is no magic pill for weight loss. But the willingness to fight for a better you.

It really is a mental game. Over coming your fears of how and why you got to be this way. And to know that you can be who ever you want to be.